While the rest of the world seems to be viewing 2016 as an out-of-control dumpster fire, mine's been pretty good. I got a job I love in my field. I made some amazing new friends. I've strengthened my relationship with Hawk. I finally found some medicine that has almost cured my goatee-rash. I met my pretend boyfriend, Hawksley Workman, and he said I don't have a giant head.
But I had some crappy times too, most notably with social media. Social media, you see, is my job so it was not good for me to have bad times with it. I got into arguments, fights, and, on reddit, where I hope I will still be anonymous until I get around to signing in again and deleting my account, I got involved in a couple of uncharacteristically rude altercations with people.
I partly blame that on the clearly-a-jerk-in-real-life people I was responding to, but mostly I was suffering from a lengthy bout of anxiety. I was having anxiety about the upcoming USA election, about my birthday, about my ovaries turning to dust, about not making enough money. So, I snapped, and said some awful things online.
And had worse things said back to me, which upset me so much I quit reddit altogether. I'd been using it for two years and honestly couldn't remember what I did for fun before I became addicted to dank memes. I guess i actually signed up before memes could even be dank. Does anyone remember that time?
http://i.imgur.com/l1FMuLW.jpg
The problem was that my attention span had been shortened by the constant hors d'oeuvres-ness of the reddit commment, meme, or gif. I often quit watching long gifts because it wasn't worth the payoff.
I learned two lessons from 2016 when it came to myself. One, I have an incredibly addictive personality (so thankful I've never been offered cocaine because I'm sure that if I took even one sniff I'd be addicted to that shit too). Two, I'm strong enough to back off.
When I was a teenager, my Dad like to tell me to "let them have the last word" whether the "them" was a teacher I disagreed with, or a fellow student I'd verbally destroyed for being a jerk. I actually got one bully to back down from an impending attack by using my sharp tongue, something I must have inherited from my Mum's side of the family, because Dad lets people have the last word.
I don't have a picture of me as a teenager handy, but here's a slide I took as a teenager.
As a young woman, I struggled deeply with Dad's mantra. If I didn't stand up for people, didn't that make me a bad person, too? If I didn't stand up for my beliefs or for myself, how could I look myself in the eye--which was hard enough to do anyway given my anxiety (then undiagnosed) and depression (now mostly treated) and my fear of failure (inherited from my Dad's side of the family).
But in 2016, I finally realised that in a world where changing your mind is considered a sign of weakness, I could let people have the last word. It's a method of self-care to say to yourself, "that person is a complete fucking idiot, and this hill is not the one I want to die on." You just say that to yourself, and you have the moral if not the visible victory.
So in 2016, I won't be quitting any more social media platforms, because I believe they're a source for good if used well, and I might even get a new reddit account for browsing mind-deteriorating nonsense while on the bus or whatever. I truly think my life was better when I was up with "dat boi."
My 2017 mantra is thus:
I will remember that everyone on the other end of a social media account is either a person who deserves respect for simply being a person, or a bot who will ignore me anyway.
When I use social media, I will use it for conversation, not confrontation. If confrontation looms, I will back out: there is no shame in letting someone else have the last word.
I will not fear the delete and block options on social media. Backing out from a fight no one can win is an ability only the truly strong have.
I will lead both others and myself by my own example, values, and standards.
I will read more, because reading is my favourite thing.
I hope everyone recovers from their 2016, whether it was generally pretty good or resembles that Hole to Hell in Russia (you know, the gas well that they lit on fire?).
See you on Twitter.
