Careers

Today Sandcat and I were discussing how awesome sleep is, and I began daydreaming about ways to integrate sleep more into my daily routine. That lead me to thinking about awesome jobs. Here are some.


Mattress Tester
Requirements: sound napping ability
Special skills I bring to the table: I drool, so I'd be able to test the ability of mattresses to withstand water damage.
Drawbacks: I seem to need Red Danda to be able to sleep.

Sleep soundly, Red Danda. Sleep soundly.

Hawkins Cheezies Quality Assurance
Requirements: enjoying Hawkins Cheezies above all other cheese-flavoured snacks
Special skills I bring to the table: I've been eating these since I was a child. I know what they're supposed to taste like. I'm sure I'd be a prime candidate for identifying batches lacking perfection.
Drawbacks: One time, Dad said I could eat Cheezies until I barfed if I wanted to and I did. On my pillow. I might lack a bit of control in the tasting department ... it could morph into full-on eating. Then gorging. Then barfing.



Parade Critic
Requirements: a big mouth and a phone with Twitter capability
Special skills I bring to the table: I grew up on a military base, so I know what walking in formation is supposed to look like.
Drawbacks: I don't really like noise.

Extra-large Space-Pyramid turns against crowd. D+.

Well, there you have it. If anyone sees these jobs opening up anywhere, let me know so I can tune up the ol' résumé!