Curses

I have a dress and it is cursed.

I saw this dress in Smart Set one time when Sandcat and I were taking a break from work. It's so pretty.

I thought, finally! A maxi dress with shape and flow! And such a lovely pattern! And colours perfect for my skintone!

Sandcat and I weren't really on a trying-on-clothes break, so I decided to go back for it later. There may or may not have been whispered promises made (to the dress) over my shoulder as I left the store.

That weekend, Hawk and I went shopping. I was on a mission. Nothing could deter me! Not even a full change room! Not even Hawk's doubts about whether I could wear it to work! I purchased my first ever maxi dress.

I wore it to dinner the day I bought it.

That's when the curse began.

Hawk and I dined at Cocoa's in the Delta downtown. I was eating peppercorn steak with mashed potatoes and mixed veggies. It was quite delicious. I would roll the veggies in the gravy, just for a bit of spice, then deliver them to my mouth, savouring every bite.

At least, that's what I did with the zucchini, and the asparagus, and the red pepper. Not so with the carrot.

No, the carrot slipped off my fork onto the tablecloth. The nice, clean tablecloth. A tablecloth fit to eat off. So, I delicately speared the carrot with my fork again and raised it to my mouth. At least—I started to.

Then, everything went wrong. The carrot bounced off my perfectly flounced bosom onto the floor, leaving a streak of gravy in its wake.

The next time I wore the maxi dress, its hem caught in the strap of my Jesus sandals (note: when shopping for shoes, a good rule of thumb is to pause and ask yourself "WWJW?", or, "What would Jesus wear?")

That ankle strap plus my hem? Dangerous combination. Also. This fucking shoe is now on sale for $14. I cannot believe I paid $40 for a FOURTEEN DOLLAR SHOE! I think that is something Jesus would NOT approve of. He always struck me as being rather thrifty. In fact, he'd probably buy one shoe for $7 and multiply it into a pair, then maybe a second pair in brown.

Anyway. Now the hem is ripped a bit and I haven't yet fixed it. I don't know if I'll get a chance to fix it, because this dress is cursed!

I wore it to work and I spilled my lunch on it. That was the day I realised the dress was cursed.

I wore it on the weekend and the velcro closure on my laptop bag attached itself to the front and pulled a bunch of fibres out.

The belt is now lost in the wilds of my bedroom.

I wore it last Sunday and got a sunburn.

I modelled it for my Mum for this blog post and this was the closest I could get to a smile.

Probably next time I wear it I will be on my way to work in the morning and get run over by a hipster cyclist on a one-speed. He won't be wearing a helmet, but I'll be the one who gets the concussion.

BECAUSE THIS DRESS IS CURSED!