Guest Posts: Ted Finchley

Our good friend, Mr Ted Finchley, presents Instalment 1 of his delightful serial, Dick's Surgery.

DICK’S SURGERY 

Instalment One: Dick Is Admitted

Coffee-less and a bit frazzled, the lovely Mrs. Dick and I climbed into the old truck at 05:15. A dark, cold, unpleasant morning welcomed us as we headed for town and the hospital. Only us heading southwest—against the steady flow of oilfield workers roaring northeast.

Arriving at the Emergency entrance at 06:00, I pressed the call button and nervously hollered “I’m here for the surgery” into the intercom. “Come on in,” was the careless reply as the overhead ambulance door clanked upward. We were greeted by a smiling nurse with a charming French accent. “Walk this way,” said she. Mrs. Dick, ever vigilant of my eagerness to respond with a clever quip, jammed a loving forefinger into my ribs before I could answer that I would be glad to if I weren’t here for surgery.

It was clear that we were early, even for the surgery preparation staff, if the disinterested looks between yawns from the admitting nurse was any indication. She soon warmed up to us after a few of my clever quips, and once she was convinced that a thirsty Mrs. Dick wasn’t going to swipe her Timmy’s latte. After dressing for the slaughter, another of my little quips (this one appreciated neither by Mrs. Dick as indicated by that well-meaning forefinger, nor by the nurse as indicated by the re-appearance of the disinterested look), and teeth clenched for the worst, in went the IV painlessly (to my pleasant surprise), followed by the necessary relaxation and anti-nausea drugs. At 07:50, I no longer feared for my safety and I was ready for anything. “Lead on,” I said to the devoted Mrs. Dick and she did just that as we walked hand in hand to the operating room where I patiently sat while more drugs were pumped into my IV. The last thing I remember before passing out was seeing my beloved Mrs. Dick, a tear upon her delicately-weathered cheek, waving a handkerchief good-bye with one hand and fumbling for her rosary with the other.

More to come!