Things You Probably Don't Need To Know

Sometimes when I get dressed I feel like a disabled person.  I don't mean that as an insult to people who are actually disabled.  I also don't mean it as a joke.  I mean, sometimes I feel like my abilities have been severely stunted.


Sometimes it strikes late, like the time I attached my hat to my earring and didn't notice until I almost pulled my earring out through my earlobe.

You  may also notice that I'm wearing a man's sweater and my scarf in no way matches.

Sometimes, I notice very quickly, but still too late for humiliation prevention.  This usually happens after carefully thinking about the article of clothing.

The other day, for example, I was trying to put my tights on  frontward, that is, there were some unsightly pills on the heels from my shoes and I wanted to keep those in the back.  So I thought hard, inspected the first leg, and did this.

This had me thinking about the hat thing again.  And about how almost every day, I will pull on a shirt over my head, then have to wrestle my glasses out of my shirt/mouth/eye socket before I can finish putting the shirt on.  And about how that obviously means I have diminished mental faculties.

I guess it could have been worse.  I mean, I could have come home from work and pulled a neatly folded pair of socks out of my drawer and put them on my feet only to have them not match, right?

Even my laundry is mocking me.